Portland was chilly, but the crowd at Beauty Bar was WARM! Beauty Bar was truly gorgeous last night. Hostess Katie Brien (who has a WU-TANG TATTOO!) was looking cool on a chilly night of comedy. That pirate shirt is cute, and less obnoxious than your average graphic tee.
Taylor Blare and Becky Waits were all over each other! Rumors have been flying about Taylor’s marriage to local MADMAN Shawn Fleek. Shawn (not pictured) was wearing his too-tight pants again, and he and Taylor barely spoke. There could be trouble at the couple’s bungalow off NE Sandy! Taylor rocks the good girl / bad girl thing, with a cute and simple summertime look while she cheats on her husband in front of him! Becky says “I really love this necklace,” a solid-metal Puma that further mystifies people trying to place Becky’s exotic heritage.
Is there anything not to love about Danny Felts? He is the only genuine hipster. All hipsters are copying their style from him. And for Danny, it works. For everyone else: do not dress like this. This style is taken, and it’s being used the right way. God you’re such a jerk for trying to dress like Danny Felts. Just stop it.
Now we get to the “DON’T”s of Beauty Bar! Here’s a great example of “staring off into space when you should be binge drinking,” which is a real problem some of the newer comedians have. Zach Cole is funny, it’s true, but when he’s not on stage (or his MEDICATION!) he can get a little CRAZY! Sources close to Zach say he’s got problems relating to people, has a lack of attention span, requires drugging, and wants to have sex without attachment. In other words, Zach is a HUMAN FUCKING BEING. Total DON’T! The rumors about Zach’s medication and POSSIBLE MENTAL CONDITIONS will never stop!
Perpetual DON’T turned Recovering Juggalo Kyle Harbert is back with his rock-and-roll look, despite the fact that rock has been dead since 1997. Kyle has a bad-boy attitude, and presumably a bad-boy’s taste in music. He has a great new joke about how his love of metal is just as indefensible as other people’s love of religion. And he somehow knows who Barack Obama is, despite the fact that sources say Kyle DOESN’T VOTE!. Kyle’s political comedy had people laughing last night. Then off stage he revealed “It’s just that I feel a little bit better than all these people.” Surprisingly it isn’t Kyle’s outfit that lands him a DON’T, it’s his smug self-superiority and his non-participation in politics, despite constantly talking about politics. That’s not cool!
After Beauty Bar, DressedFunny got insider access to the VIP after-party, in the Jack London lounge at the Rialto! Free drinks kept on coming, and local heart-throbs Ian Karmel and Ron Funches were overheard discussing their new video series, Karmel and Funch Do Lunch. Buzz is flying, and rumor has it that the next episode is going to be EXPLOSIVE, just as soon as the (undisclosed) restaurant’s owner realizes how great Ron and Ian are as sponsors! If you own a restaurant and you DON’T help Ron and Ian promote your business, you are fail and a total DON’T.
One final “DON’T” was the ever-slovenly Richie Stratton, who looked absolutely TERRIBLE in this Blazer-and-Dad-Jeans combo. It’s not cool to go out in public looking BLURRY, either, so it’s no wonder his date dumped a drink in his lap, and then STORMED OUT! Scandalous!
